Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thoughts, a few days before Christmas, 2010

Tis a few days before the Christmas holiday and I have just a few thoughts and observations to share with you, my friends and followers of this blog. Life it seems is always changing and sometimes things that seemed bad turn out to be good in the long run. I guess that's the mystery of life and has reminded me to always keep my eyes open and expect that there will always be a surprise just around the corner. Many of us travel our paths, meet frustration and come to a point of giving up. It's a common theme in my age group. What always seems to happen though is that people when pushed to that point always find a state of grace. They transform themselves and adapt beautifully and come out stronger and better for the experience.

"Well past our prime"
Oil on canvas, 12" X 12"
C. Scogins © 2010

I could go into several stories about that, but I'm sure you can come up with your own. The one I'd like to share though is very close to home. Like many of us, I've struggled with the fact that I'm running out of time. I'm 55 and look at all that I've done in my life which in many ways has been significant. In others though they seem small and not very important to me these days. I suppose I've let them go and don't define myself by them anymore. I've cast off most of the worries I carried for years and seem to be in one of the best places in my life right now. These have been a hard 10 years of my life and there have been tragic disappointments as well as some surprisingly sweet and tender triumphs. Most disappointing is that I've let myself get fat. Considering that I was an ultra-athlete, driven, competitive and very conscious of my body that has been a big blow to my ego. I suppose I found food to be an enjoyable distraction from my worries and let myself enjoy it a little too much.

What I've found though as I've watched my muscles shift ever southward toward my equator is that I've found a different view of my life. I've mellowed a lot and become somewhat more relaxed about who I am. I hate to say it but I have kind of an attitude about it. If you don't like me because of my shape, then so be it, move on! I've been in the dating world for the past two years and I have to admit it does seem to hold me back with the type of women I tend to be attracted to. I'm beginning to see though that it's more their problem than mine and in a way if they are basing my value on that basis, than it wouldn't have lasted anyway. Sure we all want to be found attractive but what have you got after all that beautiful flesh fades and wrinkles. In the end, you only have who you are, happy, sad, miserable, discontented or what ever. People tend to latch on to certain themes in their lives and they play them out to the end. So in my typical fashion I've come up with a visual response to these thoughts. I titled it "Well past our prime". It's a 12" X 12" alla-prima painting of two pieces of fruit. Each mottled and on the verge of spoiling.

I see the Pear as myself or men in general. You don't think of pears as being particularly sweet and in fact when they seem to look their best, have very little flavor. As they age and get a lot of spots and bruises on them though they sweeten and are the most flavorful just before they totally spoil.

Apples on the other hand seem to represent the women I've known in my life. Colorful and beautiful when fresh and younger but they don't get their sweetness till they come of child bearing years. Once past them they tend to loose the sweetness but in many ways become more interesting and complex. Maybe even a bit easier to have in a guys life as well.
Only time will tell!

So, here is to wishing everyone a very happy holiday and the best for this coming year! I'll be trying to keep the eggnog to a minimum this year, don't let that stop you though!


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